What Women Leaders Need From Each Other
Recently, I sat in a room with a group of ambitious women and asked them to think about what they wanted from one another.
Not what they wanted to accomplish, or what they hoped to add to their resumes.
Not even what they wanted from me. Rather, what did they need from each other?
I've been thinking about that question ever since.
Because so much of leadership development focuses on what we need to become. Whether that’s more confident, or strategic. Whether it’s to improve our communication or ability to make decisions.
But I wonder if we spend enough time talking about what we can be for one another. Especially as women.
So many of us are navigating full lives while carrying questions we don't always say out loud. Questions like,
Am I doing enough?
Do I belong here?
Can I want more and still be grateful for what I have?
Can I change my mind?
Can I be ambitious and still want a life outside of my work?
Am I the only one struggling with this?
We need spaces where those questions are allowed.
But more than that, I think we need people willing to help us remember a few things when we inevitably forget them ourselves.
1. Remind me who I am when I forget.
There are seasons when confidence comes easily, and there are seasons when it doesn't.
Whether it’s a hard meeting. Or a rejection. Maybe it’s a mistake. Perhaps it’s a new role. Or a season of uncertainty.
Sometimes one difficult moment is enough to make us question things we knew about ourselves yesterday.
And in those moments, we need women who can say:
This moment isn't the whole story.
Women who remember our strengths when we can only see our shortcomings. I am not talking about empty reassurance. I am talking about perspective. Sometimes we need perspective from others who have been there, and who can remind us of who we are when we forget.
2. Celebrate me without comparison.
I want more of this for women. The celebration of the promotion. The high five for the business win. The call out on a recent publication. The nudge to go after an opportunity. The shoulder pat for a big idea. The encouragement about a brave decision.
I want us to be able to say, “Look at you!” without immediately turning someone else's success into evidence that we're behind.
I want us to remember that her success doesn't diminish mine. And likewise mine doesn't diminish hers.
There is room to celebrate one another without keeping score.
3. Tell me the truth, with care.
Support isn't always agreement. Sometimes the most loving thing another woman can do is challenge us.
To ask the question we're avoiding. To point out the pattern we can't see. To tell us when we're shrinking. To remind us when we’re carrying something that isn’t ours to carry. To tell us when the story we're telling ourselves doesn't match what they see.
I don't need people who will tell me I'm right all the time.
I need people who care enough about me to be honest, and safe enough that I can hear it.
4. Say my name in rooms I'm not in.
Some of the most powerful support happens when the other person never sees it. So let’s recommend her. Credit her idea. Share her work. Suggest her for the opportunity. Correct the room when someone else gets the credit. Say, “You should talk to her.”
We talk a lot about women finding their voices.
But we can also use our voices to create opportunities for one another.
5. Make room for the whole person.
We are leaders. AND we are also humans.
We are mothers, daughters, partners, friends, caregivers, dreamers, people navigating health concerns and aging parents and relationships and uncertainty and lives that don't conveniently disappear when a meeting begins.
We shouldn't have to pretend those parts of us don't exist in order to be taken seriously.
I want us to create spaces for one another where ambition and humanity can coexist.
Where you can say, “I'm proud of what I'm building,” and “I'm having a really hard time,” in the same conversation.
We need to be in spaces where both can be true.
6. Remind me that I don't have to do it alone.
I think many capable women become very good at being the person everyone else depends on.
There is a point where eventually, competence can become isolating.
People assume you've got it. Sometimes even you assume you've got it. Until the moment comes, and it will come, where you don't.
We need people with whom we don't always have to be the capable one. People we can call before we've figured out what we're going to say. People who don't immediately need us to solve anything.
People who can simply say: I'm here.
The Kind of Women I Want Us to Be
I've been thinking about what would happen if we became more intentional about being these women for one another.
Not only in formal leadership programs. But in our workplaces, and in the introductions we make to one another. In friendship and mentoring relationships. In the text we send after someone's difficult day. In what we say about another woman when she isn't there to hear it.
Maybe empowering women isn't always a grand gesture. Maybe sometimes it looks like remembering her strengths when she forgets them or celebrating without comparing. Or telling the truth with care. Or opening a door. Or making a room for her humanity. And reminding her she doesn't have to carry everything alone.
So instead of ending with a question about what you need from the women around you, I want to flip it:
What do you want the women in your life to know they can count on you for?
And maybe even more importantly:
Who needs you to remind her of that this week?
In your corner,
Kelly
