Five Questions Every Woman Leader Should Ask Herself
One of the simplest questions I ask in coaching is “What do you want?”
And surprisingly often, the room gets quiet.
Not because the women I work with aren't ambitious. Not because they don't have dreams. But because many of them have spent years becoming experts at responding to everyone else's needs.
Their teams. Their families. Their clients. Their communities.
So when the conversation shifts back to them, it can feel unfamiliar.
Over the years, I've noticed there are a handful of questions that consistently help women reconnect with themselves, their leadership, and what matters most.
These are five of the questions I find myself returning to again and again.
1. What do I need right now?
Not next year. Not after the project is finished. Not once the kids are older. But right now.
This question sounds simple, but many women struggle to answer it because we're so accustomed to assessing everyone else's needs first.
Sometimes the answer is rest. Sometimes it's support. Sometimes it's clarity. Sometimes it's permission.
The goal isn't to judge the answer. It's simply to listen for it, and to listen for it, you must begin by asking the question.
2. What am I carrying that isn't mine?
This question has changed the way I think about leadership.
Many women carry:
responsibility that belongs to others
emotions that belong to others
expectations they never agreed to
pressure they've placed on themselves
Just because you can carry something doesn't mean it's yours to carry. Sometimes the healthiest leadership decision is putting something down. To know what to put down, requires giving yourself the time to think and reflect.
3. Where am I saying yes when I mean no?
Every yes costs something. Time or energy. Attention or capacity.
And while I don't believe every opportunity should be declined, I do think many women have been conditioned to prioritize being helpful over being honest.
The result? Resentment, exhaustion, and often overcommitment.
A good boundary isn't selfish. It's clarity.
4. What would I do if I trusted myself?
I love this question because it bypasses so much overthinking.
Many of us spend enormous amounts of energy trying to find the perfect answer. The perfect plan. Or perhaps the perfect timing.
But often, deep down, we already know the next step.
We're just waiting for permission. This question reminds me that self-trust is built through action, not certainty.
5. What am I postponing?
This question has been particularly relevant for me lately.
Sometimes the things we keep moving to tomorrow are the things that matter most. The doctor's appointment. The difficult conversation. The decision we've been avoiding. The rest we desperately need. The support we've been meaning to ask for.
Avoidance often contains information. And paying attention to what we keep postponing can tell us a lot about what needs our attention.
Final Thoughts
You don't need to have all the answers today. You don't need a five-year plan. You don’t even need a one-year plan. You don't need to solve everything at once.
But I do believe leadership gets stronger when we create space to ask better questions.
Questions that help us reconnect with ourselves. Questions that help us lead from a place of intention rather than reaction. Questions that remind us that we are people, not just roles.
So I'll leave you with the same question I asked at the beginning:
What do you want? And perhaps just as importantly: What's one small step you can take toward it this week?
